​An excerpt from Found Goddesses: Asphalta to Viscera, by Morgan Grey and Julia Penelope, New Victoria Publishers, 1988.​ It's long been out of print, but used copies can be found online. 

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Asphalta, goddess of all roads, streets, and highways, and guardian of those who travel on them, is best known for Her miraculous powers of finding parking places. The formal Parking Place Invocation to Asphalta, chanted by Her devotees around the world, and never known to fail when sincerely uttered, even in impossible to-park-in cities like New York and Montreal, is:

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Hail Asphalta, full of grace,

Help me find a parking place.

 

This invocation should be intoned at least two blocks before you want to park, although it has been known to work on very short notice. A brief version of the invocation, developed by followers of Asphalta in Chicago, “Asphalta, do Your Thing,” has also proven to be effective. In the event that Asphalta has created an ideal parking place, and some rude motorist attempts to take it away, chant:

 

Hail, Asphalta, full of grace,

Keep that pud out of my space.

 

Asphalta is one of the most widely-worshipped of all modern Found Goddesses. Her highways and streets form complex intersecting webs which join Her many thousands of temples and shrines, and connect the lives of Lesbians. Her major temples are located wherever road construction is underway, and are attended by Her High Priestesses, who usually wear jeans or overalls, boots, hardhats, and colorful scarves or handkerchiefs about their necks or heads, as well as vestments of Her sacred color, day-glo orange. All motorists slow down when passing through one of Asphalta’s Sacred Places, and stop when instructed to do so by a priestess, who should always be addressed as “Most Esteemed Flagwomon.” Failure to heed the signals of a priestess has been known to have fatal consequences, but those especially cherished by Asphalta may be given the Sacred Baton to pass to a traveler going in the opposite direction. The ritual of Passing the Sacred Baton symbolizes the continuity as well as the diversity of our paths.